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Soap - Soap - Soap
Appalachian Tale as retold by Dr. Mike Lockett, The Normal Storyteller

A long time ago, there was a boy named Jack.  Now, Jack couldn't seem to remember anything!  His mamma was fixin' to wash a bunch of clothes.  She had her washboard and had drawn water from the well and filled a wooden barrel three quarters full of water before she saw her handmade soap supply was low.

"Son," she said to Jack, "I want you to go to the store to buy me some soap."

Just to make sure that he remembered, she made him repeat over and over, "Soap, Soap, Soap."  Down the road he went repeating over and over, "Soap, Soap, Soap!     Soap, Soap, Soap....."

As Jack was walkin along, he slipped in wet Tennessee Clay and fell flat on his tale.  He got up and wiped himself off.  But, as he started to walk, he forgot what he was going to the store for.  So, he walked back to where he fell and said, Here I had it; there I lost it."  He started pacing back and forth repeating, Here I had it... there I lost it... Here I had it; there I lost it...

An old man in a pair of faded bib overalls was walking the opposite way of Jack and stopped when he saw Jack pacing back and forth in confusion.  He kept trying to ask the boy what he had lost, but Jack just kept repeating, "Here I had it; there I lost it."

Then, as the old man came closer, he also slipped on the same piece of slippery clay and landed on his own bottom.  This made him so angry that he shook Jack and told him, "You should say, 'Sorry I did it.  Won't do it again!'"

So, Jack said, "Sorry I did it.  Won't do it again."  He walked down the road repeating over and over again, "Sorry I did it. Won't do it again!"  He walked right by a woman who had been knocked down by someone on her way home from the store.  She was so angry and demanded to know who had bumped into her.  That was when Jack walked past, still saying, "Sorry I did it.  Won't do it again!"

She grabbed Jack by the arm and without thinking threw him down into the mud.  Then she said, "Now I'm OUT, and you're IN!"  Then she left her groceries in the mud and walked off.

Jack got up and said,"I'm OUT, and you're IN."  He started saying the phrase over and over again, "I'm OUT, and you're IN!"  But, as he walked, he passed an old man who was pushing an old two-wheeled cart.  One of the two wheels was stuck in the sticky mud.  That's when Jack came by saying, "I'm OUT, and you're IN!"

The old man heard and thought Jack was talking to him.  He was furious and shouted, "You shouldn't say, 'I'm OUT, and you're IN!'  Instead, You should say, 'One's OUT.  Get the OTHER'N OUT.'"

And that's just what Jack did.  He continued on his way to the store saying, One's OUT.  Get the OTHER'N OUT!  One's OUT.  Get the OTHER'N OUT."  This might have been okay, except that he walked by a woman who had only one eye.

Just as she heard Jack saying, "One's out..." for the second time, she stepped in front of him and told him, "That's NOT POLITE!"  What you SHOULD say is, "One's in anyway!"

So - off Jack went repeating, "One's in anyway!  One's in anyway."  And he continued on his way to the store - still not remembering why he was going to the store in the first place.  He started over the creek, which was nearby the store.  It just happened to be that two little boys had been playing on the rail of the bridge.

You guessed it!  One of the boys fell into the creek just as Jack came by saying, "One's in anyway!"

The mother of the boys was right there to help the boys and, of course, heard Jack's comment.  She was about to tell him what to say - but saw how dirty Jack looked after all his time spent in the mud that day.  He looked like he needed a bath.  So she said, "Boy, you need a bath, and be sure to use plenty of SOAP!"

"Soap, soap, soap!" said Jack as he walked right into the store.  "Soap, soap, soap!"

Jack bought his soap and took it home to his mama.  There he took his bath and used lots of SOAP, SOAP, SOAP while his Mama did her laundry, still amazed that Jack had remembered what she wanted.